In Maine, lobster buoys mark the spot where a lobsterman (oh ya, I said it. I said lobsterman instead of lobsterwoman or lobsterperson. I totally did. And you know what? I’m not even sorry because even ‘lobsterman’ is a mouthful. And if you made me type anything more than that, I would abbreviate anyway, and lob-woman sounds like I am tossing a girl around and that seems like assault and is so much worse than being politically incorrect anyway)… I forget where I was going with this…
Oh! But guess what?!
Okay I was just checking my stats on this very blog and it turns out that WordPress (the kindly people who take my money and hand me back the ability to talk to you with such pizazz)… well, WordPress keeps track of all of the search terms that people type into Google and such places that get you here!
Do you get that?!
I can find out what people typed into Google that brought them to Just Ponderin’ Dot Com!
I am not kidding!
I mean, I can’t find out exactly who typed them in, but I can know what they typed in.
But, I am telling you, that you are so going to want to know ‘who’ when I tell you some of the ‘what’. Because, people, this stuff is good.
Don’t believe me? Well, let’s take a gander, shall we?
First, I will share some that just make a whole lot of sense because, as you know, I’m a professional blogger and photographer because once someone framed a photo that I took… and put on my blog.
See? Professional at both.
So the following search terms just make sense:
“lisa dingle blog”
And then once I wrote a poem after we had to put our big old goof of a dog to sleep and it got a lot of shares and stuff (thank you all) and so this makes sense:
“Joy Angel Monty”
And I got all touched because it is really nice to know that people searched on that because I hope it made them feel better (mostly because there were no freakin’ rainbows in it).
Oh-ho-ho-ho…. but then I saw this:
“virgin dog story”
Huh. I wonder what…
“dog and virgin story”
Sort of a theme, right?
And then I was thinking that I wrote a story about Somerville Massachusetts and how there are a lot of Virgin Mary statues placed in upturned bathtubs (I called them ‘Bathtub Marys’) and I also write about my dogs, so maybe that is why people were brought to my blog when they typed in stuff about virgin dogs?
So I looked more and then I found:
“the dog would have caught the rabbit if he hadn’t stopped to”
That was it.
The person who typed that didn’t finish the sentence.
But don’t worry! Because I figured it out when this came up:
“If the dog hadn’t stopped to shit”
And then I remembered that I once wrote a post about all the things that The Old Yankee Man says on a regular basis that just don’t seem to make sense and one of those quotes is, “If the dog hadn’t stopped to take a shit, he’d have caught the rabbit.”
So, clearly, people actually look up that phrase and, when they do, their search results include this very blog.
Oh lucky them!
And then things got wHierd.
Because, well… this:
“straight outta the gutter porn”
“road trip porn”
“on a trip second road trp porn”
And, strange spelling and phrasing aside, I was wondering ‘why all the porn, people?!’
And then I saw this:
“directions from boston to atlantic city avoiding gw bridge”
And then it hit me…
If you are going to entitle a blog post: “…on road trips, soft porn, and a bridge from nowhere”, you are just inviting search terms like – brace yourself…
“porn with son road trip”
And what about ‘bridge porn’? What the hell is ‘Bridge Porn’?
I don’t even wanna know.
All I know is that there were some very disappointed porn people who got directed to a story about trying to avoid a certain freakin’ bridge.
But in the ‘less likely to have some guy from Dateline try to entrap me for underage child pornography’ category, there were also the following search terms:
“everyone wants to be an italian”
Sure, why not. I mean, I’m not… but then again what do I know. It was only three or four thanksgivings ago that my Aunt P. nonchalantly mentioned my father was adopted. I could be Bosnian-Canadian for all I know.
“actual real crime scene photos”
Okay, these people might have been looking for blood and guts, rather than ripped fabric and fluff torn from Mike Wazowski’s body, but they got the latter instead.
“where is sam dingle?”
“chipmunk up her pant leg”
True and totally traumatic story. But who was Googling that?!
“bisquick.com” and “thoughts on freakin bisquick”
Can’t believe someone else calls it ‘freakin’ bisquick’. Pretty excited about that.
“how do you make your grampa less stressed?”
Dunno. Think it should be ‘how do I make people around grampa less stressed?’
And then there were many, many, MANY search terms that included poop (shocker). My favorite?
“did you pick up poop in the winter in maine?”
Because, clearly, you would want to google that before you actually picked up poop in the winter in Maine.
So there you have it.
A sampling of words and phrases that people have googled, and have resulted in people coming right to this very place to read, hang out, or click very quickly away when they realize that the closest they will come to porn is the photo of Marshal Dillon Dingle in the sofa.
Well, that actually does lead me to my very favorite search term so far.
Thanks for readin’ (and searchin’!)
As always, you can come on over to Just Ponderin’s Facebook page to comment or just hang out.