When I was driving home yesterday, quietly, in my car, by myself being all sorts of cerebral,  mentally going over my realization that Aristotle’s theories on mathematics and physics are just astoundingly applicable even today…

Fine.

I was belting out Let it Go from Disney’s Frozen, and I looked up and there was a flying-pig- cloud in the sky.

I wish you were right here with me so I could point out why it is perfectly obvious to me that it is a flying pig. Duh. He is facing to the right. His wing is sticking out and looks pretty close to his head, like a big ear, but that’s only because of perspective (an art term. I don’t have time to explain it). And it looks like his nose is up against the cloud in front of him. But it’s probably just behind it. Again, perspective.  Also, his back feet are held out behind him and the dark one is his left leg, not his penis.

I was so excited to see it that I yanked my phone out and took my life in my hands and snapped a few photos, because flying pigs are my muses. The idea of the possible impossible (Zombie Pig takes that whole concept a step further). I immediately kissed Glass Pig (the ride-along flying pig that lives in the coin tray) for luck and got ready for something good to happen.

Sadly, I’m not even kidding a little bit.

Especially the part about belting out that song from Frozen.

People, that last note is hard. And you can’t just practice that last note because you have to emote it, which means you have to listen to the whole song.

And it doesn’t matter how many times you listen to it, because even if it’s only once you are going to have it ping ponging all over your brain for weeks. Might as well just dive right in. That song is like a freakin’ anthem.

For adults.

Who had dysfunctional childhoods.

Basically all of us who grew up between the years of…

No. Wait.

Basically for all of us who grew up.

Seriously.

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl, you always have to be
Conceal don’t feel, Don’t let them know…
But now they knooooooooooowwwwww…

(I hit that note awesomely if I do say so myself.)

Okay, fast forward:

It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all

It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right no wrong, no rules for me
I’m freeeeeeeeeeeee 

(Yep. I can slay that one too.)

And then, the ultimate. After she sings about her powers and her soul spiraling in frozen fractals all around (that teeny weeny infinitesimal part of my heart that appreciates mathematics leapt at that line), she sings,

And one thought crystalizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back,
The past is in the paaaaaaaaaaaaaast!

That Elsa is one smart, completely messed up Disney princess (actually, I think she is a queen… wait let me think of the lyrics again…a kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I’m the queen…). Yep. Queen.

She probably had a lot of therapy to get to that last point about leaving the past in the past.

Also, sort of a topic hop, but I think maybe she had a lot of plastic surgery before the movie because her forehead didn’t move at all when she smiled.

Maybe it was just botox.

And this particular movie not only follows the Disney tradition of a motherless protagonist, but there are two kids, both parents are killed in a tragic boating accident, and even the love interest is an orphan.

Ya.

It was a lot for me to take in too.

But no worries because….

Wait. Spoiler alert. If you go beyond this line, I am not responsible for ruining your movie.

But, come on, the mention of the tragic boating accident above is sort of a key moment, so I’m already pretty culpable. You most likely have grounds to sue anyway.

Whatever.

Elsa lives alone for a while, she makes two snowmen with her icy snow powers.  Just like I tell my kids, you are who you hang out with, and – sure enough – the snowmen end up with like-minded crowds.  The irritated one ends up fighting with the bad guys, while the happy one hangs with the good guys and dreams about summer.

What?  It’s Disney.

And, in the end, Elsa comes down from her self-imposed exile (most likely including intense regression therapy with her off screen psychiatrist), and realizes that, if she fills her heart with love, she can be all melty instead of icy and all the kingdom is saved from the nearly permanent results of magical-and-yet-totally-anthopologically-caused-global cooling (Al Gore was probably pretty happy with that (the anthropologically-caused part, not the cooling part).

And I was psyched for the happy little snowman, who gets his own personal flurries that follow him around so he won’t melt (thank Gawd, because I was a big fan of that ingenuous little guy).

So there you go.

I totally wrecked the ending for you.

And you know what? I don’t care! I’m living on the edge.

It’s time to see what I can do! To test the limits and break through! No right! No wrong! No rules for me!

I’m freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Whoa. That felt good.

Plus, did you hear that note?

Totally nailed it.

Thanks for readin’.

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