… on being married to a superhero


Canada Geese Not Flying to Canada

Tonight the nearly perfect husband declared that he could totally lead a group of geese from Canada to South Carolina.

As a little girl.

With a New Zealand accent.





Why? Because when the Nearly Perfect Husband watches a movie – any movie – he imagines himself as at least one of the characters of the movie. And then he explains how he could absolutely be that character.

And then he tells me (and anyone in the room) that he has missed his calling and he could have been Tom Cruise.

When he makes these pronouncements, I make sure to envision ‘Top Gun‘ Tom Cruise and not ‘Jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch’ Tom Cruise.

Don’t ask me to explain it. I can’t. It’s just the way it is, and I have learned to accept it.

So tonight’s movie?

Fly Away Home.

This is a wonderful movie that we used to watch with our kids when they were little. It is about a twelve-year-old girl, played by a young Anna Paquin, who comes across Canada Goose eggs and they hatch and the little baby geese imprint on her.  And then her dad (an inventor) creates a goose-shaped flying machine and they teach the geese to follow it around so they can all migrate to the Carolinas when winter comes.

Ya huh!

And it is even supposed to be based on a true story.

Though at the end we noticed that it said that the story was based on scientific experiments, which doesn’t really qualify as a true story to us. Just sayin’.

Like, if someone threw a nut at my head (as a part of a controlled scientifical experiment) to gage my reaction, and then wrote a screenplay about a meteor that plows into the earth – hitting me in the head – and called it a true story based on the nut experiment?

Might not fly.

Anyway.  In the geese movie, there is a great and emotional song sung by Mary Chapin Carpenter called 10,000 Miles that plays near the end. And by then, every single time, the Nearly Perfect Husband is crying and telling me how he could totally lead the geese to their winter home.

And I am completely supportive of the man I married, so I’m just going with it.

Who else have I been married to?

Easy. In no particular order, nor a complete list:

  • Sean Connery as Russian Submarine Captain and crafty defector Marko Ramius in The Hunt for Red October.
  • Tom Hanks as Jim Lovell, during his mission on Apollo 13.
  • Michael Biehn as Kyle Reese in The Terminator
  • Sigourney Weaver as Ellen Ripley in Alien and Aliens.
  • Belle, Disney’s Beauty and the Beast
  • Matt Damon as Jason Bourne, The Borne Identity
  • Billy Crudup as Russell Hammond, Almost Famous
  • Bill Pullman as President Thomas J Whitmore, Independence Day
  • Chance, the dog, in Disney’s Homeward Bound; The Incredible Journey

What can I say?

Oh! One character he has never been is any character played by Matthew McConaughey.

Because once I said that I thought Matthew McConaughey was cute.

This has led to years of ribbing from all three of our kids, most recently and viciously from Self-Proclaimed Perfect Boy, Gabe (who is now saying we should all drive Lincolns “Because who is the new spokesperson, Dad? WHO?!” (ya. It’s Matthew McConaughey).

So there you have it.

You were all wondering what my secret was, right?

How I managed to stay married and happy with the same guy for, like 24 years?

And now you have it.

Variety, people. Variety.

Simple, uncomplicated….

Wait. JoHn is yelling for me from the other room.

I hear explosions and people screaming and….

Holy dead shufflers, Batman!

I gotta go!

World War Z is on the television, which means….

I’m probably currently married to Brad Pitt!

Thanks for readin’.


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