… on never actually having been indicted


The Main Chalkboard, Christmas 2014

I am a big chalkboard fan.

I can honestly say – and my niece, Courtney-also-known-as-Court-and-Mort can totally confirm this, and she can claim the same thing – that I was big into chalkboards before chalkboards got to be a big thing.

I mean, today, all you have to do is Google, “Christmas Chalkboard” and the images that pop up are of a bazillion designs for your – you guessed it – Christmas Chalkboard.

But this year I could not find any I liked enough for the Main Stage.

The Big Kahuna.

The Kitchen Chalkboard, which sits above the kitchen fireplace in all of its chalky glory.

And then I came across a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon that totally hit the right note for this year, so I copied it.

And I do not know if anyone else has this design on their Main Chalkboard as I type this, but I am totally identifying with Calvin.

I have been that kid.

Everyone has right?

You know, you go to bed all sugared up and excited on Christmas Eve and try wicked hard (hah-d) to stay awake and then you fall asleep anyway… but just before you go under, you wonder if Santa really knows everything – like every single thing that could have possibly happened – over the past year.

And then terror.

And then eventually sleep happens anyway.

So the sun rises and you wake up in a panic, and tiptoe down the hall before making your wake-up-ed-ness known to any parent on the premises, and you get to the living room, and look under the tree and there are presents.

But you’re still not sure.

So you make your way to the tree and, trying not to make even one crinkle sound with the wrapping paper,  look for one – just one – present that has To: you, and From: Santa.

And when you find that one present, the angels sing (quietly, because they don’t want to wake anyone up either), and all is right with the world because clearly Santa was totally not looking into his magic snow globe when you stole that piece of the good manilla art paper from Mrs. Trahan’s special shelf when she wasn’t looking so you could draw something absolutely miraculous at recess that would not look nearly as good on the scrap paper you were supposed to use (and then stupid Angie Ducette told on you and you got caught and thank Gawd Mrs. Trahan didn’t call your mother).

I am not saying that was me, but I am not saying that was not me.

Mainly because I am not about to get caught in a lie with thirteen days left till the Big Guy gets into his sleigh.

But I was just wondering what you think about the following completely hypothetical situation. Just an opinion. No biggie.

So if you had a close to perfect spouse and you were dropping a major hint about, oh I dunno, a new camera lens that you really wanted for Christmas…

And if that sort of flawless spouse said something like, “Hey didn’t we gift that lens to you in a coupon already? Like last year and you just didn’t get it?”…And let’s say that you kind of knew that could not possibly be true because,if you had received such a coupon, you would remember because you would have had B-H-Photo-Video-Dot-Com pulled up in no more than 3.04 second and ordered the freakin’ lens and it would be in your camera bag right now!

But, you know, just for kicks, let’s say that instead of saying that very thing, you found yourself saying, “Uh…. why, yes. Yes you did coupon gift me a lens. You know, I just never got around to ordering it.  Silly me, I’ll go order it now.”

Let’s say that happened.

Do you think that Santa would know about that?

Do you?


I dunno.

I mean, I got pretty lucky with Mrs. Trahan’s manilla paper thingie in third grade.


I’m never going to get to sleep on Christmas Eve.

Thanks for readin.

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