Blind Dog, Blind Dog, What Do You See?

We have long known that Fred’s vision is suspect, at best.

Though he insisted, time and again, that there really was a tree frog, stuck to the window, beside the door, making taunting gestures, and trying to stick his stolen key into the lock…. well, just think about it.

Taunting gestures?

If the tree frog was making taunting gestures how was he going to unlock the door?

I know.

So we knew that Fred might not actually be seeing a tree frog (or large moth, burglar, yeti, or any number of other potentially dangerous or unsavory characters that might appear, like THAT, from our Dunstabilian rural-ity).

But now?

Well, now it’s a different story.

Because we’re pretty sure that almost anything Fred says he sees, other than maybe shadows, is a big fat lie because he is blind now (he prefers that we use the term, ‘possibly blind’ because he wants to see if he can renew his license in the spring).

Now, that being said, he is completely fine and under the care of a wonderful veterinarian who has assured us that blind dogs are perfectly fine dogs and Fred certainly seems perfectly fine with all of his natural, canine survival instincts in tact.

As a matter of fact, they seem to be improving.

Hard to believe, but scientifically (sort of) proven with the following observable situations:

1. Observable Action:  Last week, just before Christmas, he located and stole Grampa’s english muffins off the counter in the apartment and consumed every single crumb of muffin. Observable Increase in Instinctive Survival Skills:  Fred did not consume the packaging – neither the cardboard nor the plastic. This is new, as Fred has indeed, in the past – and this is not a lie or exaggeration – eaten a phone.
2. Observable Action:  As of a month ago, upon the completion of his morning and evening meals, Fred has begun to put himself in Potty Prison (translation: The downstairs bathroom, located right around the corner from Dingle Doggie Diner). He requires no door, and just stands at the opening until HRH The Princess Bunny Blaze and Marshal Dillon Dingle finish their meals. Observable Increase in Instinctive Survival Skills:  We have been so amazed at Fred’s proactivity in assigning himself to the proverbial Penalty Box, that we often bring him a piece of his coveted cheese when the ShepHerds aren’t looking. So now he is more calcium fortified. Which is very surival-y.
3. Observable Action: Lately, when I hold a piece of the aforementioned coveted cheese, or chicken, or turkey out to Fred, he makes these wHierd moves to try to locate it. He sticks his nose up, and moves it back and forth under my arm, and then opens his mouth and flicks his tongue out. Observable Increase in Survival Skills:  The first few times, I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but then I consulted YouTube and found out that this is a classic defensive boxing move that is called ‘bobbing and weaving’, and then ‘jabbing’. I cannot believe that Fred has mastered this technique, using cheese/turkey/chicken as his own reward. Because now when Marshal Dillon Dingle assaults Fred with a toy, Fred can bob and weave and eventually get the toy (the ‘jab’) because of all the practice he has had. Also he will be able to avoid all but the craftiest ‘Beak Butts’ (an official ShepHerd boxing term, referencing the way Princess Blaze pokes Fred or Marshal with her nose (beak) when they do something she deems un-royal).  All in all, an excellent new survival skill.

Figure 3-1: Fred has just bobbed and weaved and rolled out of the way of Marshal Dillon Dingle’s initial strike, and here you can see Fred’s counter move toward the toy… which is not really a toy but a stuffed bear CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT that Marshal stole from the tree.

Now you may wonder how Fred can see Marshal Dillon Dingle coming with the toy, or Blaze with the potential Beak Butt, and all I can tell you is that this is the most miraculous thing of all.

Fred has tapped into some sort of Jedi thing.

I know right?

Who knew it would be Fred that mastered The Force?

But he totally has!

Because how else would he know that Marshal is about to toy-taunt him or that Blaze might be about to Beak Butt him (and he does know this because he screams like a little girl before she ever even connects (we have seen this many, many times)).

And okay, that stuff is pretty impressive but he can also do that Jedi Mind Trick thingie:

1. I have been snuggling him more lately. I think this is my own choice, but I’m beginning to suspect there is something else behind it.
2. Several times lately, I have found myself drawn to the refrigerator, and then to the cheese drawer, without any need to be there. And then, Fred is right there next to me.

I know.

It’s as if he is somehow controlling the environment and people around him.

Perhaps he has always had the power…. sort of like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz…

Nah, we’ll go with Star Wars.

The Force is strong in this one.

And I think Blind Fred is going to be Fine Fred.

Thanks for readin’.

As always, you can come on over to Just Ponderin’s Facebook page to comment or just hang out.

Photographic capture of Blind Fred breaking a rule:

Blind Fred checking to ‘see’ if anyone is watching (um, I am. I’m RIGHT BEHIND YOU WITH A CAMERA, FRED!)

Blind Fred has clearly not seen me.

Oh, fancy meeting you here! (I have just said his name… now I have the strong urge to get him cheese…)

As always, you can come on over to Just Ponderin’s Facebook page to comment or just hang out.