… on die hard (or dying laughing)
December 21, 2018
Apparently, we are not alone.
I’m not talking about the possibility of life on other planets (that’s already settled science). I’m talking about the fact that, in this family, we have long believed that Die Hard is – not just ‘might be’ – but is a Christmas Movie. I may have made mention of this before.
*I just want to make sure that you know that, here at Just Ponderin’, we take these declarations seriously. Engaging our Research and Legal Departments, we found that – in July of 2016 – the talented star of the Die Hard franchise, Mr. Bruce Willis, declared that Die Hard is NOT a Christmas movie. “It’s a Bruce Willis movie!” he proclaimed, rather narcissistically I think. But THEN, just last week, Twentieth Century Fox declared Die Hard ‘The greatest christmas movie ever told’ (they even cut a trailer to say so!). And, although this is also kind of… institutionally narcissistic, the thing is that Twentieth Century Fox actually OWNS the Die Hard franchise. Like, legally. So there you have it. Along with the existence of life on other planets, Die Hard as a Christmas Movie is also settled science.
Anyway, each year since Number One Son, Sam has been living in New Orleans, we get word (’round about Thanksgiving) that we are not allowed to watch Die Hard until he gets here for Christmas.
Bossy, but fine.
So we don’t.
But I must say that the knowledge that we can’t watch a certain movie until a few days before Christmas kind of weighs on us. There’s a lot of pressure. I mean, we have to pass up the movie on Amazon Prime when we scroll past it. We also have the Die Hard Christmas Collection and… Fine. We don’t have that because they didn’t make it… yet. But we do have the Die Hard Special Edition Boxed Set, which we purchased from Barnes and Noble many years ago.
And we can’t watch any of it, until Sam gets home.
Which he did.
So he and Princess Avery walked in and, before he could do anything else – like watch Die Hard with us before unpacking his bags – he declared that he could not wait another second and had to give his Dad a Christmas present… which he made all by himself!
I was shocked too.
This was a kid who fled from glue sticks and craft scissors the way most children flee from kale.
Nonetheless, here he was presenting his Daddy with a hand-made ornament to hang on the Dingle Family Christmas Tree forever and ever until the end of time (depending, of course, on construction quality).
He reached into his carry-on bag, and carefully pulled out the new family treasure.
Then he held it aloft and declared it… and I’m not even kidding… “The best Christmas Present EV-AH!”
He went to hang it on the tree right then and there, Sam trailing behind him.
It is so special, that I wanted to live with it for a good twenty-four hours – just our new ornament and our family – before sharing it with the world.
But now… it’s time.
My son… at the tender age of twenty-four… made his Dad a Christmas ornament.
Emphasis… on Christmas.
Also, according to Princess Avery, it involved a lot of the cursing and throwing and crumpling up that went along with many, many gifts JoHn assembled for Sam over the years.
I do apologize to all the people who don’t get it. You’ve probably been watching equally Christmassy movies like It’s a Wonderful Life, Rudolf, Christmas on 34th, or The Grinch. There is no shame in that.
But now, c’mon.
Aren’t you just a little bit curious?
Don’t you want to understand the meaning behind, and sentimental importance of, an ornament hand-made by a twenty-four year old man for his own father?
A gift declared “the best gift ever”, based on “The best Christmas story EVER TOLD“?
You’re curious, I can tell.
You’re gonna… wait, are you heading to the television right now?
Oh, this is so exciting.
Ha! I knew it!
I can hear the Twentieth Century Fox theme!
Okay, so it’s like thirty years old but I’m just warning you that there’s some violence and a little bit of blood.
Also, world-renowned ballet sensation Alexander Godunov is a terrorist. But I think you can handle it.
Well, there’s only one thing left to say.
Welcome to the party, pal!
You’ll get it that joke in about an hour.
Thanks for readin’
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