So last night I was watching the Best in Show judging at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show with my friend, Tess. She was in Baltimore with her two labs – one of which was not watching because he was busy spending two hours staring at a sausage on her counter. I was in chic and trendy Dunstable with the ShepHerds.
Marshal and Blaze seemed mildly interested, but also were sleepy because it was midnight. They seemed to perk up when I started yelling and wHooping because Rumor the ShepHerd got Best in Show though!
Hurray! Tess and I were both very excited because Rumor is a very pretty girl. And also we both found the poodle’s eyes kind of freaky.
I also noticed how red Rumor is, and both Blaze and Marshal are red and black (vs. tan and black) ShepHerds and so, obviously, we have personal connections to Rumor. We practically know her.
But then I woke up and found this on my computer screen.
I didn’t even know Marshal knew the password.
Or.. you know… could type.
But there it was – a Dogmatch.com profile of Marshal Dillon Dingle, with a personal note to Rumor. Offering to be her boyfriend.
my name is marshal dillon dingle and you are the most beautiful german shepHerd i have ever seen,. Last night i was not even worreed the the other dawgs were gonna beet you. Did you want to chase the moppy one called Chucky? I did. I was very happy when you wun and then I heard the human voice say u were looking for a boyfriend. My Princess called Blaze says she thinx I would be the best boyfriend ever which is huge because usually she is all bossy and makes me give her my food. Also she says I am available right away. So it must be true that you belong with me. I love you. This I know. Okay call me. Love, Marshal Dillon Dingle.
Clearly, he doesn’t understand that she needs a boyfriend for puppies.
But he is way too immature for me to sit him down and have ‘the talk’. I fear he would run screaming from the room with his paws over his ears.
Similar to the way Sam did all those years ago…
But I digress.
Anyway, I figured what could the profile hurt? It was sort of cute, really…
Just a boy.
Asking a girl.
To love him.
Very Notting Hill (but without any prostitute-hiring scandal in our leading man’s life (as far as I know)).
I was ready to let the whole thing go – silly little boy getting on my computer. I thought only Blaze could type…
So I re-read the personal note to Rumor.
…. My Princess called Blaze says she thinx I would be the best boyfriend ever which is huge because usually she is all bossy and makes me give her my food. Also she says I am available right away…
Blaze praising Marshal.
Who rolls her eyes and threatens to remove his tail on a regular basis…
…. available right away….
Marshal doesn’t even know how to do a professional ShepHerd stand with that one back foot in front of the other thing – who took that picture?!
This reeked of a very, very sinister plot to get rid of Marshal Dillon Dingle!
So I called her over….
I gotta give it to her.
This chick has one hell of a poker face.
Thanks for readin’.
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