I was in Maine for a couple of days this week, surveying the black hole that is not really a black hole, especially not any more because it is all filled in with gravel.
Which makes me think I need to contact NASA ASAP to let them know that the astronauts traveling to Mars should add ‘gravel’ to their payload list just in case they come across a black hole on their next road trip.
But anyway I was in Maine and stopped at the beach and saw the sign above and my first thought was, “Hey, cool. That’s a good sign. You know, just a friendly reminder.”
Here, let me get you the sign again, and this time close up…
So then I thought, ‘Hey, look! That is totally a German ShepHerd on that sign. I am going to have to remember to point that out to Marshal Dillon Dingle and Princess Blaze the next time we are here!’
And then… ‘Wait. What is that German ShepHerd doing in that sign?’
‘Is he pee-ing out of his neck?!’
So I got a little closer and then I wondered…
“What is that person doing… is he siphoning the pee?”
Then, ‘No, no, no. That’s ridiculous…
Because he’s clearly painting with it.’
But then I thought ‘Of course he isn’t painting with it. No one would put a sign up on a beach, where kids go, encouraging anyone to paint with pee. I don’t even think they did that in Fifty Shades of Grey, which is probably a very strong ‘R’ rating and totally not for kids…’
So I looked at it again….
So the dog is clearly peeing from his neck area but – I googled – to be more specific this area of his body could be called his trapezius muscle, his scapula, his withers, or his garrese.
That last one was on a particularly interesting Italian anatomy chart entitled, Regioni Anatomiche Del Cane, and made me want spaghetti.
But back to the sign.
So then there is the matter of what is in the man’s hand. Could be a paintbrush for sure, but probably not.
Could be a candlestick.
Or an upside-down mallet.
But I think…
A meat tenderizer.
But it could be none of those things because the words on the sign say “Scoop the Poop”
Sorry. There is an exclamation point on it…
SCOOP THE POOP.
So it has to be a kind of scoop or shovel.
But why on earth would you scoop dog poop onto a flat surface like that?
Is it a clip board of some sort?
Perhaps one of those random clip boards that is just lying around on beaches…
In the almost spring…
It is almost spring.
And then I got completely calm and wasn’t worried about the sign at all any more.
Because it is only almost spring.
Which means that it is not Poop Day yet.
This sign is completely and totally premature.
And I know why they put the sign out too early, too.
Poop Day doesn’t have an exact date on the Gregorian calendar (totally had one on the Julian calendar though… which was replaced by the Gregorian calendar in 1582, without a Poop Day delineated because Pope Gregory XIII didn’t believe in picking up after his dog (Wikipedia)).
Anyway, Poop Day isn’t a delineated day, it’s a feeling.
You know it is Poop Day all of a sudden, it just creeps up on you and then there is no denying it.
So no worries people.
You are not late.
The fine people of the Southport Road Commission put up this sign in anticipation of Poop Day 2015.
You haven’t missed a thing.
We’ve all made it through a particularly tough winter, and soon we will have our reward.
Grab your paint brushes, candle sticks, upside down mallets, and meat tenderizers.
And search your beaches for clipboards.
Poop Day is on its way.
Thanks for readin’.
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